Baking Bad

cook

I am a terrible baker. I can rock a flaky pie crust like nobody’s business, but aside from that, my baked goods suck. Whenever a recipe has certain words, there won’t be a happy ending. Like these:

1. Grease and flour – anything

2. Room temperature butter. What the hell temperature are people’s rooms?! My butter stays hard as a rock unless it’s August, when I’m not preheating that oven for nobody.

3. Unsalted butter. Then, there is always salt listed in the recipe. It makes no sense to me. Like DNA.

4. Any kind of peaks – do we ever really know if a peak is sufficiently stiff?

5. Yeast – we’ve never been close.

6. Fold in gently – I am a nervous wreck. No matter how gently I fold, those little bastards are deflating by the nanosecond.

I just don’t need the pressure.

Freud said that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same behavior, while hoping for a different result. I must be out of my mind, because every 6 months or so, I give it another whirl.

I haven’t baked since Thanksgiving, so it’s time for my semi-annual baked good fiasco. Mercury must be in retrograde or something.

So, today I am once again Baking Bad, and want you to come along. If you see anything untoward, let me know.

My friend took me out for dinner, and we had cardamom ice cream for dessert. Cardamom!!! Who knew? Not me. It was just the loveliest flavors EVER! So, today, we shall attempt

Orange Cardamom Yogurt Cake – here are the ingredients: Now let’s get into the kitchen and rattle them pots and pans, shall we?

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Pan – buttered and floured, excess tapped out – check

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Flour, sugar, salt, cardamom, whisked in bowl – check

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Orange zest grated – check

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It’s batter – and we’re goin’ in – check

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Overdone. I was on the phone – checkIMAG0332

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Taste test – eh. Not too exciting. I can’t taste the cardamom and it needs a glaze. Grand Marnier will do wonders.

PS – it did.

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